Dear God

Dear God,

I am getting married in less than a  month! (Of course, You already knew that). In the midst of all that is going on, I wanted to take the time to thank You.  I know I don’t have to write You, but I best organize my thoughts when I write them down, and I don’t want to leave anything out.

You have been such a Faithful presence in my life, even when I was angry with You. You never left. When I felt the lack of Your presence, it was my fault. I turned away.

I am sure You don’t often hear from folks unless they need You. And that must be disappointing to You. I know as a parent, it can get wearisome only to hear from children when they have a problem. I don’t have a problem that is too big to bear, I have blessings one right after another and I need to thank You.

You have blessed me with the best kids ever. Sure we have had (and continue to have) some bumps in the road. But really, they are so small that I shouldn’t mention them. I wish with all my heart that Emma was not Autistic, but her disability has brought so many new things to my life that I never would have experienced. I learned the art of patience, not just with her but in many life situations. I learned to be a seeker of knowledge. At first, it was just to help my Emma. Then it was to help others in the same situation as me. I learned that lots of people can be mean to a disabled child, and even more can be kind and caring.

I want to thank You for my friends! Oh, how You gave me friends! Not the ordinary kind but the extraordinary kind. You gave me friends who have never left my side. You gave me friends who became family. Men who became father figures and women who became sisters. People who were strangers that came to love my children when they didn’t have to, and who also loved me when they didn’t have to.

Thanks for all the stuff in between, big and small and too numerous to count.

And finally, You gave me HIM. You rewarded my years of patience, my years filled with lonely nights and heartache (17 of them). You brought to me a man who is so much more than I had ever dreamed of.  So much more than I could have hoped for.

You made my life at the age of 52, a bright shiny adventure, full of love and laughter.

I don’t know the reason You do or don’t do things. I guess I won’t ever know or understand until I see You in heaven. But I guess at that point I won’t care anymore about those things because I’ll be with You.

I know that sometimes it seems as if I’m not listening to You. But that’s not true. You are in everything I do everyday.  It’s because of You that I take the homeless man to lunch, that I comfort a parent of a special needs child, and mentor women who are less fortunate than me.

I will never be that person who stands on the corner for You, telling the world about You. That’s not my style and of course You already know that. But I promise, I will do my best to show people what You are like, loving, kind, and caring. I will take the gifts and blessings You have given me and I will share them.

And maybe most of all thank You for the clarity to know the difference between what I want and what I need. That was a true gift indeed. It allowed me to make all the choices that have led me to this very spot and I couldn’t be happier.