I Want…..

I wait in the dark watching the fan in the dim glow of the light in my room. I tense as I think I hear a sound, hoping that it is not my daughter, hoping that she is asleep. She is having trouble sleeping these days and all I want is for her to have restful sleep.  I need to wait a few more minutes before I peek in to see if she has fallen asleep. To distract my self from the worry of Emma, I start wondering what I want out of life.  These are my thoughts.

I want to see my kid’s happy and healthy adults, that when they call it’s to tell me something fantastic that has happened to them. I want my Emma to find her place in the world when she grows up and I want that place to be safe. I want to not feel guilty that because I need my space, that place will not be with me.

I want to have too much fun. So much fun that you can’t squeeze another moment in and then I want to remember it and smile. I also want to be irresponsible and reckless every once in awhile, stay up late, eat fried food and run with scissors, okay maybe forget the scissors part.

I want to give away obscene amounts of money, the kind of money that makes people gasp. And I want to give that money to people who really need it. Not the ones who try and cheat the system but the ones who don’t eat dinner so their kids can eat. The ones who cry late at night and wonder how they will make it.

I want to laugh, oh how I want to laugh, each and everyday, often.  It will be the kind of laughter where my stomach hurts and it will reach to my very soul. I want to dance and sing and then for no apparent reason, dance and sign again.  And when I do those things I won’t care what people think.

I want to travel, see new places that I have never seen. I want to say I love Paris in the spring and mean it.  I want to watch the sunset by the ocean, with a drink in my hand with the ones I love. I want to see the sunrise over the mountain as I watch the elk walk by.

I want to be able to say that I love him just as much now as when I met him.  I want the magic to be there, always. I want to know that our love is deep, romantic, passionate and maybe most of all, silly. I want to know that no matter how unlovable I am sometimes, he will still love me. I want the days that “I love” to be long, and the years that “I love” to be even longer.

I want my friends to tend to me as I tend to them. Just be cause I’m tough doesn’t mean I don’t need you. I want to be the friend you reach for in times of trouble, the friend you can count on.

I want to never suffer the pain of loss again. I want to never say goodbye.

I want when it’s all said and done as I look back on my life, I want to say; I had everything I ever wanted.


Thank You Nike

I want to say a big THANK YOU to Nike.   Last year I contacted them and asked if they could help with a problem that my Autistic daughter has – tying her shoes. She can tie her shoes just for normal use but when she competes (she runs) she has to find someone to tie them tightly. Nike came onboard immediately. They paired us with an amazing designer. And they came up with a wonderfully cool solution for her.

One of their current projects is The Journey For A Better World NikeBetterWorld.com/journey. This is where Jason Lester, ultra triathlete and author, is running and biking coast to coast, 4,800 miles, in 102 days (Yikes!) to promote fitness. He came through Dallas and before his arrival Nike asked if Emma would like to run with him. Emma was thrilled to have been asked and she quickly said yes. As an afterthought, as she walked away she muttered to herself, I probably can run faster than him!

One of Nike’s goals has been to say that anyone can be an athlete and on May 4 “they backed it up” They showed an autistic girl that she was a runner and there were no boundaries for her. That she could “Just Do It.”

Nike could not have picked a better ambassador for their cause. In Jason they have an inspirational man, a humble man. His kindness to Emma was wonderfully sweet. He showed the onlookers, that it’s not how fast or how far you go, it’s that you did it at all.

So for me Nike’s “Journey For A Better World” started with Emma.